Changing Tides

It has been quite a while since I’ve written anything on here. I’m not sure why, but I just haven’t made the time. There have been a lot of changes in the past nearly one year.

We took a few more camping trips. We almost went to Maui for a spontaneous weekend, but decided that the money would he better spent if the trip was planned out more. I went out to Laie Point and jumped off the cliff there into the waves below me. It was absolutely incredible. We’ve hiked Maunawili Falls and jumped off the falls at the end! My best friend got married and I was blessed enough to be a part of their big day! I have a new little brother, Hunter! He will be a year old on May 3, 2017!!!

My princess started Kindergarten!!! She absolutely loves it!!! She missed her first field trip to the Honolulu Zoo because we were going to Ohio for Bethany’s wedding, so the grandparents made up for it by taking us to the Indianapolis AND Columbus Zoos. Sophia also did dance class for a while. Braedyn is getting so big! He has lost and regrown his 4 front teeth! He is reading at the top of his 1st grade class, and he really wants to start playing soccer again so he can grow up to play soccer at Yale.

At the end of October though, we had some not so great changes. This blog has typically highlighted the happy, fun, awesome adventures. It doesn’t shine a light on the bad times though. It doesn’t point out when Stephen and I can barely stand each other or when we are exhausted from life. In late October, I realized that although there are some absolutely wonderful times we have shared together, I am not truly happy with him. I enjoy being around him as a person, I guess at least sometimes, but unfortunately as a team/partnership/marriage, we don’t operate on the same page. For the sake of both of our privacy, I won’t elaborate with details. Primarily the downfall was that I felt I was putting my all into our marriage and he was not, resulting in me working harder to carry him through this adventure called life, not financially but rather in a day to day living kind of way. So on October 30, 2016, I told him we weren’t working out.

Since then it has gone from tolerable to bad to the worst. We no longer live together, which should have started soon after the falling out and would have prevented a lot of undue stress. Emotions were always running on high. We tried to be friends for the sake of the kids. We even had some good days. But those good days made it even harder for him to understand how we couldn’t be fixed, especially with him not trying to fix anything. He is working with a chaplain now to get some help, but he eventually started to become violent. Domestic violence is something that happens! It is something that is 100% unacceptable and unforgivable, but it is also something that should be discussed in society. I try not to hate Stephen. I hate what he has done, regardless of the stress and situations that led up to it. I urge ANYONE, man, woman, or child, who is being abused physically, mentally, or emotionally, or being threatened, to please reach out. Reach out to anyone. Call the police. Call a friend. Tell somebody!!!!!! Reach out to me if you want! And if somebody reaches out to you, even if they are just mentioning it in passing, get them help!!!!! It takes so much to reach out and victims often blame themselves and try to protect their abuser. If someone reaches out, even for just a moment, they need you to help them immediately.

There are still more changes to come, with the divorce and the outcome of the domestic violence. I am optimistic that there are a lot of happy, more positive changes for me and the kiddos on the horizon soon though! In the meantime, I have made a lot of amazing memories, such as New Years Eve at Aloha Tower and St. Patrick’s Day in Chinatown, with some surprisingly close, new friends that I would never have known had these bad times not happened. There is always a silver lining!!!

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